There are hundreds of methods available to help you predict football results for personal gain… but NONE AS RELIABLE as GNG’s RETRO-DRIVEN FOCUS METHOD. Mum’s lucky numbers. Expert telly pundits. Mathematical form guides. Celebrity ex-players with big opinions. Gypsy’s tealeaves. Recently deceased octopuses. All blown away for good by THE ONLY RESULTS PREDICTION SERVICE WITH A PROVEN 100% TRACK RECORD.
The key to any football result lies in vibrations from the past – in complex historic patterns, in the psychology of the conflict, and in the deep-lying personality of the competing clubs and players. WHO WILL WIN the big match on Sunday? The big-money table-toppers or the apparent no-hope Hoops? TO DIVINE THE FUTURE, we first need to UNDERSTAND THE PAST…
Favourite TV Shows: Royle purports to like ‘all TV movies’, which is a poor start, and then he chucks in grown-up news prog Horizon as well. It’s a disastrous start for City as Gillard cleverly nips in with a crowd-pleasing Benny Hill Show.
CRIKEY, IT’S ONE-NIL TO QPR ALREADY!
If you weren’t a footballer what do you think you’d be: Big Joe’s policeman squares up to Ian’s car mechanic and there’s not too much to choose. A good old gym teacher might have nicked it.
Favourite singers: Fair play to Gillard’s Glen Campbell and the Stylistics, but Joe hits a purple streak and trumps in with not only famous cockney Scotsman Rod Stewart but also The Hollies of ‘HeAin’t Heavy He’s My Brother’ notoriety. One-hit wonder Gary Puckett tips the balance with his ‘Young Girl’, on which score no comment.
CITY PULL IT BACK TO ALL-SQUARE JUST BEFORE HALF-TIME!
Biggest disappointment: It’s losing to West Brom in the 1968 Cup Final up against losing to Leicester in the FA Cup in 1973-74, in an unspecified round. Hard to separate, as at least Joe had a big day out as consolation. It’s better to have loved and lost, etc.
Nosh: Chinese versus – ooh, this is cheeky genius! – Gillard has only gone and nicked Man City goalie Joe Corrigan’s ‘dover sole’ from our last big match.
TWO-ONE! HOOPS BACK IN THE ASCENDANCY IN A DING-DONG THRILLER!
Which person in the world would you most like to meet? Frank Sinatra – a cool old-school crooner cum actor with leather hair who allegedly used to be in with the mafia – comes face to face with another Italian-American who is alas only an actor – Tony Curtis out of the Persuaders.
ALL SQUARE – AND WE’RE INTO INJURY TIME!
England: Royle leads big with his Youth, Under-23 and full England caps, frankly laying it on a bit thick mentioning Football League honours as well. Ian comes back with Under-23 and full England caps, but we happen to know there were only three of them. Controversially, Ian’s professional ambition of ‘keeping his England place’ wins the ref’s sympathy. No goal!
Miscellaneous dislikes: Travelling, reckons Gillard. A bit sloppy and unimaginative compared to Royle’s thrilling last-kick-of-the-season ‘Dirty ashtrays’!
IT’S A STUNNING LAST-SECOND STRIKE FOR THE TABLE TOPPERS – OR SHOULD WE SAY NEW LEAGUE CHAMPIONS!
MAN CITY TO WIN THE BIG MATCH ON SUNDAY
THE FOCII HAVE SPOKEN
AND YOU CAN STICK YOUR HOUSE ON IT!
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