There are hundreds of methods available to help you predict football results for personal gain… but NONE AS RELIABLE as GNG’s RETRO-DRIVEN SPOTLIGHT/FOCUS METHOD.
Mum’s lucky numbers. Expert telly pundits. Mathematical form guides. Celebrity ex-players with big opinions. Gypsy’s tealeaves. Recently deceased octopuses. All blown away for good by THE ONLY RESULTS PREDICTION SERVICE WITH A PROVEN 100% TRACK RECORD.
The key to any football result lies in vibrations from the past – in complex historic patterns, in the psychology of the conflict, and in the deep-lying personality of the competing clubs and players. WHO WILL WIN the big match on Sunday? The big-money table-toppers or the deceptively decent at home Magpies? TO DIVINE THE FUTURE, we first need to UNDERSTAND THE PAST…
REPRESENTING NEWCASTLE UNITED, big-hearted up-and-downer TERRY McDERMOTT… in a battle of wills against MANCHESTER CITY ICON, the giant goalie JOE CORRIGAN.
Favourite TV Shows: Corrigan likes documentaries, which obviously aren’t as cool as Macca’s Fawlty Towers. But it’s the turn-off TV shows that slip the Toon into a shock lead on one minute: Big Joe controversially chooses to switch off Corrie, Crossroads and Emmerdale Farm, while Mac sensibly cans Dangermouse and political programmes.
CRIKEY, IT’S ONE-NIL TO NEWCASTLE!
Magic Moment in Football: Meeting the Queen playing for the FA at Hampden Park neatly counters being nominated for both Player of the Year awards in 1979-80. No score.
Best friend: It’s a disappointing “Quite a few… I hope” for United versus a cracking “Manchester City Physiotherapist Roy Bailey”. Hats off to Joe for scoring with a giant drop-kick with the fact that Roy’s son Gary went on to be a rubbish goalie for arch rivals Manchester United!
CITY PULL IT BACK TO ALL-SQUARE JUST BEFORE HALF-TIME!
Favourite actor/actress: Terry reckons “some players” for fave actor – geddit? And you can’t argue with Olivia Newton-John in those spray-on trousers in Grease. But Joe hits back with the inevitable Steve McQueen and a cultures Glenda Jackson. You can’t split ‘em.
Away ground/Best goal: Bad blunder at the back for Toon, admitting Manchester City and Leeds are best away grounds; but then Joe lets in a dribbler by blurting out the best goal he ever saw was Terry Mac’s in the 1977 Cup Final!
TWO-ONE! OWN GOAL PUTS TOON BACK IN THE LEAD IN A DING-DONG THRILLER!
Nosh: Mac’s lager and sandwiches with blackcurrant and lemonade chaser are trumped for sheer class by Big Joe’s lager and Dover sole.
ALL SQUARE – AND WE’RE INTO INJURY TIME!
Pop: Aaaaaaargh! Big Joe’s cocked up under pressure, unable to think of a single fave LP or chart smash. Meanwhile Tel is dying to get in his joke about being on the dole after his career ends and takes his eye off the ball with a crazy pop answer: “My brother Peter!” Never heard of him, we’re afraid Tel.
IT’S A SOFT LAST-SECOND WINNER FOR THE TABLE TOPPERS!
MAN CITY TO WIN THE BIG MATCH ON SUNDAY
THE FOCII HAVE SPOKEN
AND YOU CAN STICK YOUR HOUSE ON IT!
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