Does anybody remember The Onion Bag mag?

Does anybody out there remember The Onion Bag magazine from the end of the ’90s? It was a kind of football version of Viz Comic, a fanzine with bags of arsey attitude and terrace humour.
We both remember it with a certain uncritical fondness, chiefly because we wrote big chunks of it!


We bumped into editor Graham Wray in sunny Brighton recently, and he reckoned Gary’s piece on the foibles and farces of Non-League football was his favourite ever spread in the mag! Meanwhile, Derek plumbed the depths issue after issue, raiding his box of cheesy cards, talking tabloid shite as alter-ego Barry Certain, impersonating Gary Numan for the Celebrity Showbiz Product Testing Department (on loan to Gaz’s old mate Bill Haley in this issue) and cutting up his collection of useless coaching books for School of Excellence.

It was good while it lasted.

Or maybe you had to be there.

Take a trip down Nostalgia Avenue and turn left onto RoseTinted Street… buy ‘Got, Not Got’ here.

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9 Responses to Does anybody remember The Onion Bag mag?

  1. Ian du Feu says:

    I remember this; there may have been a vague connection with Huddersfield. My friend’s girlfriend had a cookery recipe published, (a spag bol. or something) and a picture of Paul Ince’s head; under the immortal title, ‘INCE ON MINCE’.
    you’re right, you had to be there…

    • notgot says:

      Ince On Mice – they don’t write ’em like that an y more!

      Will mail you HUdds autographs – like I said, a bit on the plain side.

      Dunno if you’ll recognise any names.

      D

  2. bogfox says:

    Great mag that..fave bits..Howard Kendall’s all time top xl…….No1.GlenFiddich No 2 Jim Beam etc etc and getting a free cassette of Graham Taylor’s “Wet Pyjama Mix” with one issue.

    • notgot says:

      Gary’s still got the video that I must admit I chucked away immediately after watching it back in, what, 1997 or 98?

      Seem to remember Graham and Dan (the editorial team) playing keepy-uppy or otherwise failing to impress on a public park, with shakey camera and iffy voiceover.

      I’d pay good money to see it now, for blackmail purposes.

      Shame no one’s got a bloody video player!

  3. martin says:

    Me and my friends loved that magazine! Tottenham rhyming slang: Shins are dicky – Barmby, Nicky. Diamond formation – certain relegation.

    The bio of renowned soccer swordsman Christitfer Sutton – favourite team: ‘crack European outfit Fleshy Split’.

    Wasn’t there a cover-mounted tape of filthy chants sung by a choir, too?

    If only football was half as much fun these days.

  4. hondafreek says:

    I loved this mag. I remember a free cassette with one edition with a choir singing terrace chants. Hilarious.
    “This old man, he told me, Denis Irwin’s got VD”
    ” you light up my senses, like a night out in Sheffield”
    Also, I remember a horoscope by Uncanny Darren Peacock and when the mag printed a picture of Mike Marsh, there was a picture of a hairy vagina. Genius.

  5. Brilliant funny magazine. I have fond memories as a sixteen year old lad of reading Derek’s pieces on retro football – where I discovered Coventry’s ‘Girl of the Match’ covers and the psychedelic programme covers of Midland clubs for the first time. There was also that comic about some lad where everything he says came out as a chant, some bizarre stories in The Inner Game and lots of razor-sharp pisstakes.

  6. Stuart Danson says:

    This was hilarious, think I bought the first few of them, such classic articles as ‘fucking hell it’s Barry fry’ and Ray Parlour as the soccer sex God, think the attachéd caption called him ‘the bastard son of worzel gummidge’

  7. Marco Spicycock says:

    Loved it as a teenager in the mid-90’s, Still remember the cassette of songs, “Johnny Scales, best centre half-alive”, “In your Liverpool slums”! Had the video too, can someone upload the video to Youtube? Although I remember it was crap.

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