Football Nostalgia Disgrace Shock: How ‘birds’ were used to sell milk, cars and goalie gloves

In response to the complaints flooding in about yesterday’s widely misunderstood article on ladies in mini-dresses sitting on the roof of the Cov City Club Shop (not to mention the Sky Blues’ shocking ‘Girl of the Match’), we’d now like to set the record straight. Accordingly, here’s an in-depth look at how football used to objectify the female sex back in the bad old days.
‘Birds’: that’s what women were known as when cavemen like Sid James and Reg Varney stalked the planet, with ‘funny’ noises – boi-oi-oing! – routinely accompanying images of female people bending over, winking or lounging seductively on cars.
Thanks To Prof. Ian Rands (follow @Unitedite on Twitter) at Sheffield United University for sending in this sorry example. “I’ve attached a scan of my favourite programme ad of childhood,” he commented, “which has a Lynda Carter look-a-like in an out of date Blades kit, leaning on a Renault which might fit your ‘Specialist Interest’ section.”

Thanks also to the otherwise splendid, whose Rob Stokes contacted us with the ace story of Got, Not Got star pin-up Phil Parkes and his Sukan glove company, which also features in the book. “The site has a History and Retro section with some great pictures of Keepers back in the day (when keepers were real keepers!),” said Rob. “Sign up and check out the Albums section where the Sukan Sports catalogues/advertisements are held,” he recommended. And we, on the half of soccerologists everywhere, can only concur.

Finally, here’s a young lady compromised by the evils of society back in the 1980s. Or could it be that bloke players actually wore shorts that short, and Ms Birmingham City has just brought along her crate to get a better view from her perch on the Tilton Road terrace?

Please check out glossily sensational Got, Not Got next time you’re in Smiths or Waterstones. 224 pages. 80,000 words. 1000 pictures. Meanwhile, it’s only 12 quid and 99 pence on Amazon.

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One Response to Football Nostalgia Disgrace Shock: How ‘birds’ were used to sell milk, cars and goalie gloves

  1. Tony says:

    didnt know Frank McAvennie played for Birmingham City

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