Never mind Stuart Hall – here’s the best ever/worst ever pretentious match report!

It all started out yesterday when we posted up on the GNG Facebook page what might have been the funniest ever match report (2 days ago in the Brum Evening Mail)… or a proper load of pretentious old cobblers.

 In response, our mutual twitter follower, ace old tat collector and Welsh international Subbuteo star(!) Trev (he’s @futoomph; we’re @GotNotGot) sent in this shockingly wonderful match report covering Market Harborough’s mighty Borough Alliance Hawks under 7s at home to Hinckley United Reds.

 Just two problems: the author seems to imagine he’s John Keats… And FA rules designed to save the blushes of Under-7s prevent him from mentioning the score!

A recipe for disaster, surely… or for flights of near-genius Romantic fancy…? You decide…

Borough Alliance Hawks Under 7s ?-? Hinckley United Reds Under 7s

Market Harborough: mid-autumn, mid-season: hidden under the pea-soup fog was a wet pitch covered in brown leaves.  John Keats dropped by as our coach was unable to write a report today:
A match of missed chances and occasional wastefulness,
Close bosom-friends cheered on their maturing sons;
Conspiring with them how to tackle and pass
For goals that fed from Ethan’s mazy runs;
Bending in crosses and attacking in threes,
Defending en masse with power at the core:
Taking deep breathes and trying to gel,
Despite good marking our 2 keepers saved more
And still more, more thunderballs from the Reds,
Until we thought the shots would never cease
Borough Alliance Hawks, glory is nigh when we position well  
Keats’s other verses have been removed as he gave the result away.  He also seems to have lost his ability to control the number of syllables on a line.  Poor show; Yeats may be on your side, but we will look to Wilde next time.
Brilliant or rubbish? Or brilliant rubbish? 
Either way – Trevor, we have our suspicions who’s behind this ripped-up poetic license…
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2 Responses to Never mind Stuart Hall – here’s the best ever/worst ever pretentious match report!

  1. futoomph says:
    The report is also for Chris Hawkins 6music show, it is read from 48:10 on the above iplayer link (can be listened to up to Monday morning 28/11/11).

  2. notgot says:

    Cheers Trev

    You are, of course, the best!

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